This is the first in a series of posts regarding all things relationship-oriented.
Cards on the table, I’m not exactly leading by example. My love life has been a continuous cycle of disappointment subverted as life lessons but maybe these adventures elevate my counsel beyond lucky-in-love Larry. As we grow older, we each yearn for more calm than chaos in our personal lives; self-indulgent sad songs lose their pathos and the security of a loving partner overtakes the appeal of infatuation. I hope to be more useful than the usual block of body language cues but like a bad boy with commitment issues, I promise nothing.
Above all, actions speak louder than words. Make sure you pay attention to what somebody shows you via their behaviour instead of hanging off their words, which can be easily affected. Judge a prospective love interest’s worth in relation to how they treat you: this person might be smart, funny and devilishly attractive, but if they’re not treating you well, they aren’t worth the chase. Often times, once we decide we like somebody, we’re stubborn about changing our minds. We rationalise poor behaviour when really it should make us take a step back.
Sparks and ‘gut instincts’ can lead you towards wishful thinking but you can’t make somebody change who they are, so don’t waste time trying. You’ve got a life to live.
If you have to look for signs that someone likes you, they aren’t that into you. If they were, you’d know about it. Always remember that.
When people give off mixed signals, they usually have mixed emotions, or they’re playing a machiavellian game where your feelings aren’t a priority, which is even more shady. Either way, you shouldn’t be too invested at this point. Until they’ve made their intentions clear, don’t get hung up on one person. I know it’s hard but keep your feelings in check and your options open unless you have the ‘exclusivity’ thumbs up. (Or down). That way, you won’t be a heap of disappointment if nothing happens between you. Think of it as an insurance policy on your fragile little ticker.
All attention comes from attraction. Sometimes the object of our affection will approach us or message ‘how’re you doing?’ and we wonder if they like us or if it’s just nothing. Well…it’s both. If someone asks you questions, talks about things you like and compliments you frequently, of course they like you! Do you spend time opening up to people you have no interest in? No, and neither do they. Maybe it wasn’t cupid’s arrow but there’s some level of interest going on. Don’t get carried away on a love cloud but don’t downplay it either. If you enjoy an interaction without analysing it too much, you’re guaranteed a better outcome. Otherwise you fall into the trap of putting somebody else above you by focusing too much on what they’re doing.
Assume your appeal has been noticed until you’re shown otherwise. Self-worth is not only desirable but absolutely crucial. What about you? Are you enjoying their company? Do you like what’s being said? If not, change the channel. Only you control your life.
Keep your emotional investment balanced. Brain chemistry fizzles like a mentos in coca-cola when we start talking to a person we like. It can become addictive. But this current crush isn’t the only thing of value in your life. You have relations with friends, family and your work that all need maintaining and it works in your favour if you’re leading a well-balanced life. It makes you more attractive and improves your mental health. Make equal time for each section of your life and I promise your love life will only benefit, as counter-intuitive as that might seem. Always remember that even if someone is interested in you…it only matters as far as their actions do. Just because they like you, it doesn’t mean you’re going to get together. Until it does. And that’s the crucial piece of wisdom to remember…take it all one step at a time.