How To Care Less About What Other People Think Of You

I was tempted to click-bait the title with the alluring promise of ’How to stop caring about what people think of you’ but you can never conquer the curiosity entirely.

Of course, there are some who claim to never give thought to their reputation, social standing, likability etc… and those people are lying. Ironically, the intent is to manipulate you into seeing them as a badass mother’ because they seek to control how they’re perceived just as much as you do. Clever eh?

I have a few points to keep in mind for when you’re feeling low or unloved.

1. You have no way of ever truly knowing what someone thinks about you. Can you see into somebody’s mind? You cannot, so therefore the only evidence you have is based on how you want to believe someone sees you. You can waste time trying to piece together evidence of attraction, indifference, dislike, etc. and you can still be entirely wrong. You can manipulate people into seeing you in a certain way and they could be pacifying you the entire time. That might sound scary but it should come as more of a relief.

2. Most of what people say is a projection of how they see themselves and not a reflection of you. Unless it’s constructive, criticisms are born from what people either fear or seek within themselves. This is especially true for people high in narcissism as they aren’t introspective. 

3. People don’t have to like you, and you don’t have to care. Much of our upbringing and socialisation revolves around the idea you have to be codependent on external validation. If we’re always focused outside of ourselves we’ll buy more products to make us look good, chase status, and act in line with how others want us to behave. But how you experience other people matters more than how they experience you. Instead of wondering ‘do they like me?’ start asking ‘do I like them?’This is especially true in new situations, where we tend to care even more about perceptions.

4. You have no right to control how people see you. If someone dislikes you and you can’t fix or make sense of it, realise that some people are more comfortable with judging then coming to an understanding. A lot of our decisions are made on a subconscious level and not everyone understands themselves, let alone you. Take comfort in the fact they don’t really know you anyway, only fragments from interactions. And on that note…

5. Some people have to pretend you’re a bad person so they don’t have to feel guilty about how they’ve treated you. The ego is a powerful protector of our feelings and subconscious motivations. In these situations, going non-resistant is your best bet. Sometimes you have to put up boundaries because toxic people just want to exploit you so they feel better about themselves. 

6. Psychologists have found research to suggest people are too lazy to change their first impression of you. That’s why it’s said to matter and it’s also how people get easily manipulated by false charm. Not everyone is like this and you only want to care about the opinion of those who think as an individual.

7. Opinions are impermanent and you can only exist in the present moment. We all change, including our feelings and thoughts. More often than not, people take you as you are. It’s up to you to believe you are enough so it can be mirrored back to you. Any control you think you have over others is an illusion, ultimately. Judge yourself less and enjoy yourself more where you are, with what you have, right now. I promise you’ll get many happy returns.







How To Simplify Your Dating Life. The First Installment – Does He/She Like Me?

This is the first in a series of posts regarding all things relationship-oriented.

Cards on the table, I’m not exactly leading by example. My love life has been a continuous cycle of disappointment subverted as life lessons but maybe these adventures elevate my counsel beyond lucky-in-love Larry. As we grow older, we each yearn for more calm than chaos in our personal lives; self-indulgent sad songs lose their pathos and the security of a loving partner overtakes the appeal of infatuation. I hope to be more useful than the usual block of body language cues but like a bad boy with commitment issues, I promise nothing.

Above all, actions speak louder than words.  Make sure you pay attention to what somebody shows you via their behaviour instead of hanging off their words, which can be easily affected. Judge a prospective love interest’s worth in relation to how they treat you: this person might be smart, funny and devilishly attractive, but if they’re not treating you well, they aren’t worth the chase. Often times, once we decide we like somebody, we’re stubborn about changing our minds. We rationalise poor behaviour when really it should make us take a step back.

Sparks and ‘gut instincts’ can lead you towards wishful thinking but you can’t make somebody change who they are, so don’t waste time trying. You’ve got a life to live.

If you have to look for signs that someone likes you, they aren’t that into you. If they were, you’d know about it. Always remember that.

When people give off mixed signals, they usually have mixed emotions, or they’re playing a machiavellian game where your feelings aren’t a priority, which is even more shady. Either way, you shouldn’t be too invested at this point. Until they’ve made their intentions clear, don’t get hung up on one person. I know it’s hard but keep your feelings in check and your options open unless you have the ‘exclusivity’ thumbs up. (Or down). That way, you won’t be a heap of disappointment if nothing happens between you. Think of it as an insurance policy on your fragile little ticker.

All attention comes from attraction. Sometimes the object of our affection will approach us or message ‘how’re you doing?’ and we wonder if they like us or if it’s just nothing. Well…it’s both. If someone asks you questions, talks about things you like and compliments you frequently, of course they like you! Do you spend time opening up to people you have no interest in? No, and neither do they. Maybe it wasn’t cupid’s arrow but there’s some level of interest going on. Don’t get carried away on a love cloud but don’t downplay it either. If you enjoy an interaction without analysing it too much, you’re guaranteed a better outcome. Otherwise you fall into the trap of putting somebody else above you by focusing too much on what they’re doing.

Assume your appeal has been noticed until you’re shown otherwise. Self-worth is not only desirable but absolutely crucial. What about you? Are you enjoying their company? Do you like what’s being said? If not, change the channel. Only you control your life.

Keep your emotional investment balanced. Brain chemistry fizzles like a mentos in coca-cola when we start talking to a person we like. It can become addictive. But this current crush isn’t the only thing of value in your life. You have relations with friends, family and your work that all need maintaining and it works in your favour if you’re leading a well-balanced life. It makes you more attractive and improves your mental health. Make equal time for each section of your life and I promise your love life will only benefit, as counter-intuitive as that might seem. Always remember that even if someone is interested in you…it only matters as far as their actions do. Just because they like you, it doesn’t mean you’re going to get together. Until it does. And that’s the crucial piece of wisdom to remember…take it all one step at a time.

Happy crushin’.







Last Minute Halloween Costume Ideas

Halloween is here! Time to get spooky. img_5786

This year I wanted to make an effort to be a pop culture party warrior after dark and dress up as something from a film or TV show. After lurking on eBay for aGes, I narrowed my choices down to: Princess Jasmine, Lara Croft (one day) and Catwoman. My indecision gave way when I realised it was a week until the big Monday so I purchased a PVC catsuit in ‘small’ along with a cute face mask.

The outfit arrived on Friday – just in time! But my 5 ft “1 (and a half) frame couldn’t fill out the leather costume properly… I was back to square 1.

img_5778So I reverted back to my previous choice; a broken doll! Easy make-up, a simple dress and cost-effective too.

In the end, it looked pretty neat

<—– Dress, £15, tights £5

I wore striped tights to match my dolly dress – but even an everyday-wear dress would work, tied my hair in bunches, painted some China ‘cracks’ onto my face using snazaroo face-paints (although eyeliner would work too!) and once my shoes were on I’d snagged myself a last minute outfit that looked thoroughly prepared.


A geek/nerd. If you wear glasses this is an ideal last-minute outfit (and still manageable if not). Complete the classic white shirt & black skirt schoolgirl look by: wearing sensible long socks, doing your top button up, painting the three-dot freckles on your face, having messy hair and carrying a folder around with you for added ‘swot’. Voila.

ERROR 404: Costume Not Found. Grab a white t-shirt. Then grab a black pen. You know what do to next.

A cowboy or girl. Wear a cowboy hat, a checked shirt and jeans if you want to be a real life Woody/Jessie.

Sandy from Grease. Team a black top with black leggings & a leather jacket, curl your hair and ensure you’re wearing red high heels. If you’re blonde I’d recommend this look.

Go generic and be a ‘sexy’ cat or bunny. Most shops will sell bunny/mouse/cat ears for cheap and I’m sure you know how to do cat eyes/a bunny nose/whiskers. Wear with a classic LBD and you have a low key Halloween outfit where you look like you’ve kind of made an effort but won’t be the center of attention.

Even more generic would be the witch or devil costumes – again all you need are props to look all hallow’s eve ready. Even Tesco will provide you with these! Ace.

If you have fake blood you can dress for an ordinary night out that turns extraordinary when you paint some red splodges on your face to radiate the spookiness.

H A P P Y   H A L L O W E E N!



Handy Hangover Guide

“I feel great! I never get hangovers” your friend says, disgustingly.

“I’m never drinking again, lol” you reply, a pokey tongue emoji disguising your contempt

As you reach for another piece of day-old pizza, your arms become limp and you slump back into the fetal position, dropping the stale bread back onto the dominoes box it barely left. Instead of getting up, you just give up, much like your body seems to be doing on this day…

But there is another way! If you take precautions you can avoid this fate altogether, no matter how immune to suffering you believe your body to be.

Sometimes we know what’s best for us but let it slide to the subconscious mind where it stays dormant. If you’re not used to drinking the bar dry, haven’t had many hangovers before or can’t afford to write off the day after then brush up on your survival skills.

The best piece of advice I can give you to avoid hangovers is to drink singles all night. In our youth we learn to go hard and double up; we want to get wasted ASAP and proceed to lose our ability to function; we wake up with holes in our memory of the night and alcohol still swimming around our system. BUT THEN, a magical moment comes when we decide to take it easy and sip on single measures. Now the transition ambles along from merry to drunken without the pain of confusion or dulled senses. As long as you drink a glass of water before bed you will not suffer on a sofa all day.

Other morsels of wisdom include the idea of drinking water between drinks – it’s the 21st century so you shouldn’t feel your ego takes a bruise from self-care, – it’s actually the in thing now, which is pretty handy for your all-important liver. Win!

Walk it off. Nothing makes us happier or healthier than leaving the house and inhaling fresh air. Even forcing yourself to visit the shops for something inane like milk will put your hangover into perspective and help your head. Sure, you know this already, but you’re sat at a laptop right now aren’t you? There’s a difference between knowing and doing; now is the time to do the doing.

Treat yourself to a large meal to soak up leftover poison and imbibe fluids to ward off the dehydration lying at the root of your problems.

Mind over matter applies here too. Run on rest, water and adrenaline until the early night you deserve rolls around again. Since you’re reminding yourself of how to do some damage control on your vitality, you’ll feel less pain next time because your brain is powerful beyond all measure(s).





12 simple cures for temporary sadness

1.Cook yourself a huge portion of your favourite meal so you feel full of love (and more importantly, food).

2.Watch some comedy! Viral videos, comedy shows, pranks, sketches etc. Go back to old favourites if you know they’re guaranteed to make you laugh.

3. Open up Messenger and click the name of a friend you love to talk to. Don’t be afraid of rejection – they want to hear from you! 

4.Look at inspirational quotes on Pinterest, Twitter, Google Images… let the words do the positive thinking for you.

5.Pick an item from your To-Do list and make it a Done list.

6.Help anybody that needs it, from your best friend to a homeless person. Focus on giving out hope and you’ll receive it back.

7.Seek comfort! Go to sleep : wake up happier. Win.

8.Acknowledge how you feel, accept it, then let it go.

9.Listen to upbeat songs to curb any dwelling on feelings early (it doesn’t matter if the music is classified as cheesy). Bonus points for dancing around uninhibitedly.

10.Think of the last 3 compliments you received and let yourself believe them.

11.Dig for gratitude – this includes any good experiences occurring in recent times to you or anyone else, whether big or small. 

12.Do an everyday activity that feels suspiciously adult as a victorious distraction.



How To Snap Out Of A Bad Mood

I’m an emotional person and I assume, like all human beings, you are too. It isn’t something people control: feelings manifest by themselves and then our noggin processes them with its thinkin’. Most of us aim to eliminate the negatives/ accentuate the positives  but like everything else this requires hard work and practice. Sometimes we feel unsure about how to acknowledge or dismiss the unwanted thoughts that accompany our moods when we’re not feeling 100, or even 50%. Just know it is possible to get out of your funk.


Here are some light bulb moments for when your mood is low:

Keep busy – being active engages our brains in activities other than overthinking, the leading cause of misery. We base our self-worth on what we do rather than who we are overall thus productivity helps to stabilise your mood.

Talk to a friend ASAP – an acquaintance won’t do as you can’t guarantee their personality will chime with your grumpy self and you’ll want to avoid letting self-hate populate your brain landscape. Communicate with a friend so their response can provide comfort and distraction.

Do something that isn’t just on the laptop – you’re scowling because your mind refuses to be stimulated by a stagnant newsfeed and you need fresh air, not social anxiety-inducing media.

Give somebody else a compliment – you’ll admire yourself for validating another person while they get a self-esteem boost, everybody wins!

Remind yourself of at least 3 reasons you have to feel more optimistic – concentrate your thoughts on what you have as opposed to what you lack as our minds are powerfully attuned to attract more of the energy we put out there. Smile & get a smile back, etc.

Deliberately put on the cheeriest song you know – bonus points if it happens to have a fun video with it. Music is a mood-booster of epic proportions.

Spend time with a habitually happy person – some people smile all the time and exude contentment in conversation – hanging out with these folks will encourage you to adopt a similarly cheery disposition. 

Feelings are tricky yet manageable, even if you don’t follow the handy help-outs in this post. Moods are ever-changing so choose optimism as your default. Why? Because you can.

Sleep Better: 6 Ways To Get More Sleep!

I’m lucky when it comes to sleeping. I fall into a deep sleep from the moment my eyelids close and boast the ability to fall asleep in nearly any location. I know not everybody is blessed in the realm of much needed shut-eye, so I’ll quit bragging and start sharing accumulated wisdom on how to get more high quality sleep.

1. A warm bath or shower near bedtime will help to prepare your mind for a calming snooze due to its therapeutic nature. Simplified science bit: your body temperature drops once you’ve finished, causing you to feel appropriately sleepy.

2. You already know that we function best on 8 hours of sleep a night (- 8 for adults, 9-10 for growing teens and children), but did you know that 4 hours is also doable? Very important people on supremely busy schedules have sworn by attaining 4 hours of sleep per night – from Madonna to Thatcher, with their high productivity validating their unorthodox habit. Snoozing for 4 hours is the minimum goal as you awaken just before the R.E.M stage, although you shouldn’t make 4 hours a nightly habit!

3. The jury is still out when it comes to naps, but some strands of research suggest napping can boost brain performance. The catch is that you’re only allowed to nap for 10-30 minutes, otherwise known as a power-nap. If you nap for longer it causes sleep inertia, which is when your body feels heavy and your head is befuddled from oversleeping.

4. You need to feel comfortable before you’re able to nod off for the night. We don’t just choose comfort in the pursuit of luxury, it’s actually an integral component to the art of sleeping soundly. Consciously relax your muscles, starting from your shoulders down to your ankles, and you will feel primed for sleep in no time. Do this whenever you feel restless in your bed.

5. The logically named Sleep Cycle App (available in the Apple store) tracks your sleep cycle in order to wake you up naturally. It’s a more effective alarm clock because it prevents you from feeling groggy by slowly waking you from your slumber 30 minutes early. It also lets you rate how you feel at the moment of waking before providing you with data as to how well you slept. Highly recommended!

6. Avoid caffiene. I know you know this, but I had to say it: don’t drink caffiene within an hour of going to bed as it will only make you feel more awake. Stocking up on decaffeinated drinks is a solution here!

I hope you rest up well and keep these tricks in mind! Relaxation and planning ahead is key. Goodnight, sweet Prince(s).