Signs You Are In Your Twenties

  • You have no idea what you’re doing.
  • 18 year olds have started to look 12.
  • You log into Facebook every day and you don’t know why. It’s just a habit: a necessary tool for connecting with friends & acquaintances.
  • Conversations you once pretended to enjoy have now become mildly pleasant experiences; small talk is no longer the enemy – you can talk about tax if you wanna. (And sometimes you genuinely need to).
  • Relationships are a whole load more scary than they used to be – a feeling intensified by the myriad of ‘we’re engaged xo!’ posts that crop up on said Facebook ever so frequently.
  • Chart songs are unrecognisable to you, just like the baby-faced singer’s of said songs. Once upon a time, you thought adults were bluffing when they heartily laughed, “Who’s this?!” but nowadays you can’t feign the effort required to keep up. You are the adult.
  • People in their 40s and above begrudge your false sense of old age while simultaneously asking you questions regarding marriage and babies.
  • You have no idea what you’re doing.
  • Alcohol exists that isn’t vodka – you understand this now. Also, you don’t need to double up all night! Single measures get you just as crunk without the “did I ruin my life last night?” feeling in the morning.
  • Strong emotional reactions are triggered by these words: ‘Nickelodeon’ ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ ‘Power Rangers’ ‘Toy Story’ ‘I’ll never let you go, Jack’
  • You genuinely think your mum is cool and have new-found respect for her. If you aren’t hip to this yet, you are a shitbucket.
  • Hangovers are not myths anymore.
  • You went from ‘mature for your age’ to ‘childish’ in a few swift years…
  • Britney is important – Britney matters: fan or no. You understand this in a way the youth of today seemingly cannot.
  • Only recently did you realise how many years it has been since you were 16/17/18, and therefore relating to people that age is inexplicably difficult. You try, and often succeed, but secretly know they think you are past it.
  • This picture affects you on a deep, emotional level

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  • You have no idea what you’re doing, but that’s okay because you’re still young enough to have fun and you’re entitled to live in the moment. Nobody knows at any age, you’re just supposed to keep on truckin’…

Films You Need To Rewatch: Wayne’s World, Bill & Ted and Trainspotting.

Hearkening back to days of yore may be a foolish past-time in your personal life but it’s a worthy endeavor in the realm of cult films and classics. Time is kind to pop culture when its creator cared to preserve its appeal; idiosyncratic characters, universal stories and well-written comedy are the ideal mix for nostalgic indulgence. Be wise, choose something your conscious mind hasn’t registered in recent years in order to experience key moments as if they’re completely new to you. They won’t be but contentment comes from familiarity and we live in the Matrix anyway. (That one isn’t on this list).

Wayne’s World

My big brother and I adored this in our youth so I was praying for good things. Thankfully, the dumbass duo trope still amuses my adult brain: Garth’s ‘Foxy’ dancing and the Bohemian Rhapsody headbanging scene are still precious. All of the meta jokes in this self-referential comedy will make you chuckle knowingly as you yearn for Mike Myers to break down the fourth wall just one more time. It’s typically clever in having the social commentary exist in undertones that you can feasibly ignore if you’d rather just soak up the obvious stuff, yet we view our two protagonists as anti-heroes for revering self-expression. As such, I newly appreciate Rob Lowe’s nuanced portrayal of the textbook selfish yuppie who tries to capitalise on our protagonists’ romantic dreams. Less exciting is Meatloaf’s brief bouncer cameo as he’s inevitably overshadowed by Alice Cooper rocking up to perform another lyrical shit-show: Feed My Frankenstein to the infamous reception of ‘We are not worthy!’ Humorous ridiculousness.


Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

I recently made a most excellent life choice to devour this alongside a beastly curry (chicken Jalfrezi). Whimsical japes include masquerading as medieval knights to re-enact the Luke vs. Darth Vader lightsaber duel. Nearly every adventure they have is typically tame 80s high school hedonism and yet you long to escape your mundane reality in favour of their random expedition. When you realise the similarity between a time-travelling phonebox and the Doctor’s Tardis a smirk will appear on your big, nerdy face. Silly and escapist, their characteristic goofiness is still most quotable. Examples include calling Socrates ‘So-cratz’ and miming air guitar to news of the ‘Iron Maiden’ like it’s a stage invite from Bruce Dickinson. It’s also notably unique in portraying metalheads as cool, laid back people who sometimes look like Keanu Reeves. To my surprise, Rufus was played by satirist George Carlin – a fact my child self didn’t know. Alas, I can now congratulate myself on my reformed historical knowledge like my heroes Bill and Ted.


Trainspotting

It’s a rite of passage for every pretentious teen to watch Trainspotting in awe of the brilliant cast, innovative directing and stellar 90s soundtrack. Now you’re older, you may feel like you’ve recovered from your wide-eyed fascination with drug-fueled debauchery and wish not to return to such territory but have faith in its iconic reputation. You will still impulsively rave along with Born Slippy and recoil at the baby scenes in terrible enthusiasm before making a mental note that injecting heroin is clearly just not cricket. Inspiration is a lusted-after feeling and the brazen swagger of Diane is undeniably enviable. Danny Boyle’s low-budget triumph invokes the idea that you could go rogue and successfully film an indie adaptation of a new novel. It just seems likely for you. Besides the sequel, Porno, has a 2016 release date now so if you relive this arguable PSA against compulsively chasing the dragon, you can hype yourself up way ahead of time.