The Ferris Bueller Theory You Haven’t Heard Before…

Hughes is a teen-flick King in the mind of many film fans, perhaps due to his sincere compassion for the alienation of adolescence. His 80s era films received cult status in the years after their release, and each one was written by a 30-something year old man.

Image result for ferris bueller's day offFerris Bueller’s Day Off is basically ‘some guys have all the luck‘ for 1 hour and 43 minutes. Released in 1986, it has most of the hallmarks of a John Hughes movie: a self-aware lead character, witty dialogue, anti-authoritarianism etc., and yet it’s more optimistic than his usual efforts. The protagonist in his golden era of film would typically be a misunderstood outcast from a lower-middle class home undergoing high school trauma but Ferris Bueller breaks this mold completely. Ferris is a rich kid loved by everybody, spanning from the police department to those he manipulates in ‘junior’ year. He is an ‘everyman’* who gets what he wants and doesn’t face the consequences -an interesting morality when you see it on the page but on the big screen you accept his antics as harmless fun.

A character more in keeping with the Hughes catalogue is the ‘always sick’ (and probably clinically depressed) Cameron Frye. The most famous theory about the film is centred around this down-trodden dude and his penchant for self-pity. It has long been said that Cameron imagines the eventful ‘day off’ from his bed and Ferris is merely a figment of his imagination; the happy-go-lucky guy he wishes he could be. Sloane is supposedly based on a girl he fancies from afar in school, so she takes her place as his alter-ego’s lover. The crux of this conspiracy can be summarised by the phrase ‘…and it was all a dream’.

I think it’s a bittersweet idea, but also totally bogus.

In her book, Life Moves Pretty Fast: The lessons we learned from eighties movies (and why we Image result for ferris bueller's day offdon’t learn them from movies any more)’, Hadley Freeman points out that ‘only a teenager could think that Ferris is cool’ since his hedonism comes from a place of arrogance and immaturity. When you’re a teenager living out the mundanity of high school without much attention, you envy the ‘popular’ people because they get a reaction from everybody – some people look back at their school days and recall the misery of feeling invisible. John Hughes was one of these introspective types, so instead of creating a main character close to his teenage self again, he imagined what it would have been like if he experienced the notoriety other kids enjoyed. And thus, Ferris Bueller was born.

To add credence to this idea, all of Hughes’ teenage melodramas were based on his hometown of Chicago and filmed in surrounding areas to reflect the class divide he witnessed as he grew up. As a child, Hughes recalled his own solo trips to the art gallery frequented by the trio onscreen, adding The Smiths contemporary melancholy to give it the perfect soundtrack. By including such a scene Hughes was able to revisit these moments from a more carefree perspective – and in this film, perception is key. Ferris makes a speech during the parade aimed at Cameron’s self-imposed misery: “I’d like to dedicate it to a young man who doesn’t think he’s seen anything good today”.

 It hardly stretches the imagination to say that writing allows you to live vicariously through an imaginary realm, and with Ferris, he visualised an adolescence he wished was his own, if only he wasn’t trapped in the self-hatred typified in the familiar angst of Cameron. 

Image result for ferris bueller car
Beaut.

Maybe Ferris Bueller wrapped up his inner work in solving the injustices he experienced as a young’un in America, and he felt like the tone change was an appropriate place to say ‘Danke Schoen’ to all the audience members allowing him to grow up again.

 

*(An everyman is a misguided term referring to the supposedly normal privilege a person enjoys for being a white middle class man)

Handy Hangover Guide

“I feel great! I never get hangovers” your friend says, disgustingly.

“I’m never drinking again, lol” you reply, a pokey tongue emoji disguising your contempt

As you reach for another piece of day-old pizza, your arms become limp and you slump back into the fetal position, dropping the stale bread back onto the dominoes box it barely left. Instead of getting up, you just give up, much like your body seems to be doing on this day…

But there is another way! If you take precautions you can avoid this fate altogether, no matter how immune to suffering you believe your body to be.

Sometimes we know what’s best for us but let it slide to the subconscious mind where it stays dormant. If you’re not used to drinking the bar dry, haven’t had many hangovers before or can’t afford to write off the day after then brush up on your survival skills.

The best piece of advice I can give you to avoid hangovers is to drink singles all night. In our youth we learn to go hard and double up; we want to get wasted ASAP and proceed to lose our ability to function; we wake up with holes in our memory of the night and alcohol still swimming around our system. BUT THEN, a magical moment comes when we decide to take it easy and sip on single measures. Now the transition ambles along from merry to drunken without the pain of confusion or dulled senses. As long as you drink a glass of water before bed you will not suffer on a sofa all day.

Other morsels of wisdom include the idea of drinking water between drinks – it’s the 21st century so you shouldn’t feel your ego takes a bruise from self-care, – it’s actually the in thing now, which is pretty handy for your all-important liver. Win!

Walk it off. Nothing makes us happier or healthier than leaving the house and inhaling fresh air. Even forcing yourself to visit the shops for something inane like milk will put your hangover into perspective and help your head. Sure, you know this already, but you’re sat at a laptop right now aren’t you? There’s a difference between knowing and doing; now is the time to do the doing.

Treat yourself to a large meal to soak up leftover poison and imbibe fluids to ward off the dehydration lying at the root of your problems.

Mind over matter applies here too. Run on rest, water and adrenaline until the early night you deserve rolls around again. Since you’re reminding yourself of how to do some damage control on your vitality, you’ll feel less pain next time because your brain is powerful beyond all measure(s).

 

 

 

 

5 Steps To Selfie – How to Pose for a Photo

Some people love to point their phone’s camera right at their face for some radical selfie loving while others dread the lens in self-conscious trepidation. No matter which side of the spectrum you fall upon, the impromptu photo is an unavoidable way of life and it pays to be prepared!

Love or loathe to pose, you have the chance to turn a chore into an art form – measure your selfie know-how against this short checklist so you can put your best face forward at any given moment.

  1. Face down, eyes up; instantly more flattering than a straight-on shot.

  2. Smile with your eyes; Tyra made ‘smize’ happen for a reason. 

  3. Decide what you’re doing with your mouth; pout, pursed smile or toothy smile.

  4. Tilt your head from left to right to see if you have a ‘side’; Most people have a preference.

  5. Three popular go-to poses; peace sign, hand on hips, tongue out.

Memorise a particularly hard-hitting one of these vanity morsels so you’re armed with ammo the next time someone slings a camera in your face without much warning, or for when you find yourself in the midst of a self-portraiture crisis but still want to look bangin’.

Selfie ready? You woke up like this (*WINK*)

12 simple cures for temporary sadness

1.Cook yourself a huge portion of your favourite meal so you feel full of love (and more importantly, food).

2.Watch some comedy! Viral videos, comedy shows, pranks, sketches etc. Go back to old favourites if you know they’re guaranteed to make you laugh.

3. Open up Messenger and click the name of a friend you love to talk to. Don’t be afraid of rejection – they want to hear from you! 

4.Look at inspirational quotes on Pinterest, Twitter, Google Images… let the words do the positive thinking for you.

5.Pick an item from your To-Do list and make it a Done list.

6.Help anybody that needs it, from your best friend to a homeless person. Focus on giving out hope and you’ll receive it back.

7.Seek comfort! Go to sleep : wake up happier. Win.

8.Acknowledge how you feel, accept it, then let it go.

9.Listen to upbeat songs to curb any dwelling on feelings early (it doesn’t matter if the music is classified as cheesy). Bonus points for dancing around uninhibitedly.

10.Think of the last 3 compliments you received and let yourself believe them.

11.Dig for gratitude – this includes any good experiences occurring in recent times to you or anyone else, whether big or small. 

12.Do an everyday activity that feels suspiciously adult as a victorious distraction.

 

 

Buffy the Vampire Slayer – Character Signs. Part 5!

Faith: Sagittarius

Faith is carefree, an area of Sagittarian expertise. She arrives as the badass in town: an outsider with a rebellious tendency, her outgoing personality and zealous fighting style run parallel to the righteous Buffy Summers. Buffy slays out of duty – Faith kills for kicks, it makes her ‘hungry and horny’. Slayer no.2 brings nonchalance to the game of life and death as she closes every statement with ‘five by five’… whatever that means. She doesn’t know or care, making her a unique character who willingly never fits in anywhere, just like a non-conformist Sagittarius.

Her arrival in Sunnydale is beset by her direct nature and attention-seeking tendencies as she regails stories of nude ass-kicking adventures to the Scooby gang. She’s focused on the bigger picture and therefore doesn’t desire gossipy, organised meetings with the herd. But not everybody operates with such an open manner, meaning she falls prey to the Mayor’s manipulation and Angel’s pretend pact against Buffy. She always saw Buffy as competition, even body-swapping with her in pursuit of victory, like a determined centaur. Strategy is a game this fire sign can play well due to their sharp intellect, even in their love life. Despite not necessarily existing as mutually exclusive concepts, success trumps romance in the Sagittarian mind, enabling them to play the field with a fast recuperation rate (poor Xander).

Like a true fire sign, she’s uninhibited and that’s why she’s loved. Plus, even as the Mayor’s employee, Faith is nothing if not free.


Number 5 in a 5 part series, start from the beginning to read about Buffy, Giles and the others…

Buffy Character Signs, Part 1

How to live a healthier life, Part 1: Your Mind.

 

Disclaimer: everything is subjective, thus I can’t be held accountable to my hypocrisy. Now that’s been established, let me preach to you recycled knowledge of how to live more healthily, but in a cute way. I hope I never write an article named ‘how to lose weight’, because 1) the answer is always going to be ‘eat smaller portions & do more exercise‘, and 2) to quote the Baz Lurhman ‘Sunscreen classic, ‘you are not as fat as you imagine’. Moreover, you’re worth more than your appearance. You may want to learn small ways in which you can enact a life that benefits you, however, and that’s where I ride in on my hypocrisy horse from the stable of earnest sincerity. Henceforth:

Drink lots of water. I wanted to start with a tip no-one had thought of before, so ‘drink lots of water, maybe even 8 glasses a day’ it is. I’m reminded of an interview I read with a dietitian in one of those weight loss magazines sold to inspire internalised misogyny and self-loathing (ah, adolesence!) where feeling full was discussed. Lo, she delivered wise counsel: often times we snack unnecessarily, so when we think we’re having food cravings, consuming water would satisfy us more. Water boosts everything about you: clearer skin, quicker metabolism, the digestive process, shinier hair, lubricated throat and a sharp mind.

Somewhere in the popculturepartywarrior archives, in an article about sleep, I uncovered the magic of the 10-20 minute power nap. Despite what the majority of us think, a 30+ minute rest is actually just sleeping, so if you need to nap make it infrequent & make sure it’s snappy – a snappy nap.

Quite your bitchin’ and look on the bright side of life. Yes life’s a laugh and death’s a joke it’s true (Monty Python quote to keep my references 21st century), and the beauty of impermanence lies in confirming the futility of worry. Everything is going to change sooner or later, so if you remain optimistic you’ll create a worthy future for yourself, as you’re more motivated to create your ideal situation and adapt to changes. Visualise what you want and you’re more likely to live the reality. Alternatively, if you focus on the ‘lack’ in your world, you’ll unconsciously prove how omened you are by getting the inevitable results pessimism brings: nothing. Think positive thoughts more often for a healthier & happier mind; it’s difficult, not impossible.

Smart guy, Einstein.

Be grateful. When we’re young, the phrase ‘count your blessings’ is cemented in our heads from somewhere, probably from grandparents, or the tube. Short and non-committal where explanation is concerned, the idiom appears to us as insignificant wisdom from a jealous source. In actuality, expressing gratitude is incredibly powerful in achieving contentment and allowing yourself to appreciate the contents of your life. You can only be happy by experiencing the present moment authentically, without being trapped in anticipatory nostalgia – as can be the case with over-thinkers. Learning to accept yourself & your life – to recognise you’re doing the best with what you have, where you are, is how you achieve balance. Actively list, mentally or physically, the things you’re grateful for: big or small, individual or global scale; tally them up without judgement. Sometimes you just need to remind yourself of why you are awesome & deserve good things! Believe it, then see it.  

 

 

Signs You’re From London (But Live Elsewhere In The UK)

  • When you travel outside of London, you’re referred to as ‘posh’, whether you’re from Forest Gate or (legit proper fancy) Notting Hill. Silently, you’re convinced it isn’t you with the accent…
  • 24 hour Tesco is a rare privilege you’d been taking for granted all. this. time. People want to get home to their families? How dare they – it’s midnight and I want Texas BBQ Pringles here and now.
  • Tea is apparently a meal as well as a drink, and nobody has lunch because they’re all having dinner before their tea. Everyone agrees on the concept of breakfast though, which is nice.
  • The novelty of Camden Market wore off after copious empty-handed visits as a teenager, yet you’ll relay nostaliga-tinged memories to make your centrally-located youth seem inexplicably cool. 
  • Chips and gravy make so much sense: carbs + OXO = xoxo <3.
  • People ask if you’ve ever seen anyone from Eastenders on the tube, and you invariably answer yes like the walking stereotype you really are. Bonus points for Ian Beale (Adam Woodyatt).
  • “You sound like you’re from LANDAN!” is not just a line from a film when tipsy strangers come across you and your Southern vocal chords. Your laughter is fake each time.
  • Bus journeys require pound sterling and phrases like “a return to town please” – this is charming while simultaneously alien to your anti-social transport tendencies.
  • You’re ready to defend generalisations of ‘more expensive’ pubs/clubs and foods from tourists who stayed in Central/North London only and thus know nothing of LDN LYFE.
  • You witness the gentrification of places like Walthamstow and Hackney from afar, amazed at how ‘professional graffiti art’ and gastro-pub conversions apparently make an impoverished area trendy for the rich. You pray for it to stop.

Finally, when you revisit the capital, you notice how cockney everyone around you sounds, how wide the streets are and how much has changed in the ever-progressive metropolis since you left to adventure elsewhere. It’ll always be home to you.