How To Tell If The Signs Fancy You, Aries Thru to Libra

A useful checklist of egoistic behaviours each sign displays when attempting to seduce someone into their starry force field of lurrve.

Aries – If a Ram is into you, they won’t be shy about showing it. Do their eyes light up when you walk in the room? If so, they’ll quickly initiate conversation with their best friendly face forward and an aura of pure adrenaline. I also wouldn’t be surprised if you catch them surveying your anatomy as they make the bee-line towards you. Don’t think you’re Columbo, though. It was an accidentally-on-purpose move to signal their interest. Fueled by a lust for life, expect some play-fighting and don’t be offended if they say something they thought would be funny but is actually just mean – they’re trying to show you some affection without looking weak. It’s a delicate balancing act for a sign who hates feeling vulnerable.

Taurus – It’s all in the eyes. Is your Spring-born friend burning a hole into your back? I get you’re facing the opposite way but…you can feel the glare. A Taurus lives firmly in the material world so once they have a crush on you, you’re basically already their possession. Dependent on the depth of feeling, it will take some time before they make a move officially because steady relationship-building occurs in the meantime. Please, don’t bother explaining that your aunt Deborah just got married again because they Facebook stalked your profile pictures and basic info’ section as soon as the first butterfly fluttered inside their belly. Any flirting will be done through getting more tactile with you as you’re shown their softer side. These Bulls will win you with slow dedication.

Gemini BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. Are you hearing a lot of that on a regular basis? Excellent. You have managed to sufficiently sustain their attention for more than 2 minutes! You must be a hoot. Their nervous disposition will magnify in your presence. If a Gemini is talking to you the most, you’ve got to keep their interest with your conversational skills. You’ll receive a lot of messages that vary from the mundane ‘hey’ to the extravagant ‘I remember you saying you liked ___ and I also like ____’ because they crave an intellectual bond above all things. Then they’ll go off the grid for a few days while they change their minds about you. Weirdly, inconsistency is a good sign because it means you’re being considered, and not just anyone will do for picky Gemini!

Cancer – How are you feeling today? Is your mum feeling better? Can I offer you some advice on that minor issue so I can gain your trust as a reliable stepping stone to winning you over? Cancerians are in-tune with their emotions and as such, emotional support comes first. All texts are returned reliably and well thought-out, with emojis and a gradual release of private information they don’t just tell anybody. You’ll receive ‘hello and goodbye’ hugs too. It’s always a sweet affair when they want to woo you. As a sensitive sign, watch out for them being off with you for being slow to respond on Whatsapp or something else seemingly insignificant. Sentimentality is a part of their genetic make-up. Be gentle: to them, love is everything.

Leo – Are you ready to enter into a grandiose love story? Good. So is your Leo crush. They are experts on how to flirt and it’s all textbook moves: fluttering eyelashes, charming remarks, expressive body language… What you have to understand is that you can’t just say ‘thank you’ to a compliment. That expectant look on their face? It’s in danger of turning into a flustered eye-roll if you don’t admire them right back. Their fantasy is to be in a power couple so they’ll push you towards that dynamic by acting as if you’re already long-time lovers. When you’re around they’ll put their best show-stopping theatrics forward so they have your full attention. If they have money, they’ll buy you gifts. If not they’ll convey affection through their most lusted-after commodity: their time.

Virgo – It’s all in the details. A Virgo is emotionally detached by proxy of their perfectionism and fear of failure. When you speak, they’ll ask a lot of questions to determine whether you tick all the boxes on their ‘Potential Human Mating Partner‘ checklist. Incredibly thoughtful types, they’ll remember every minute of conversation you have. Here’s an example of them digging you: “Don’t you have to drive to Liverpool this Saturday? It’s forecast to snow so avoid setting off until 11am. If you want, I’ll help you de-ice your car so you can get away quicker.” It won’t all be sweet gestures of doting service, and here’s where you scratch your head – they’ll openly criticise you. You’re slicing that lemon all wrong, your hair isn’t as neat as it was yesterday, you don’t know how to spell ‘occasionally. Frustrating though it may seem, it’s a sign they care. If a Virgo is speaking to you, it’s likely to be exclusive. Go easy on the displays of affection.

Libra – Watch out for that infamous charm offensive. People pleasers to the core, a Libra flirts with everybody so they can win their favour. If they flatter you, I wouldn’t take it personally. Deep down, every Libra believes they have player potential. But away from the superficiality, they have idealistic fantasies about harmonious partnerships where nobody argues & nobody gets hurt. If genuinely interested, their earnest side shows. Cue sweet smiles (instead of the pacifying saber-toothed grin), laughing at every joke you make, and interesting conversational pieces. That band you mutually love will be slipped into conversation. Logic is their lover, and you are the mistress they blow hot and cold with while they disguise their commitment issues in pursuit of other pleasures. Like hanging with their buddies; friendships don’t come with messy feelings. If you’re special, you do. And if you’re patient, you’ll have a loving partner to build with. Just give them space, and keep up your appearance while you’re at it. It’s important to these Venusians.

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4 Easy Ways to De-Stress

❄️ Meditate.

It’s easier than you think. I used to wonder whether it made a difference and then I tried listening to guided meditations, where you’re lulled into a relaxed state that helps to distract from the background chatter littering your mental landscape. If you have something of a ‘monkey mind’, the key is to observe your thoughts and let them pass you by. Remember: what you resist, persists. Meditation helps you change your brain wave frequency so you’re operating on a meditative Theta state, whereby you can integrate fully into the present moment – something that is often hard to do!

❄️ Epsom Salt Baths

Soak in the tub for at least 20 minutes in order to detoxify the body, relieve muscle pain and allow for the magnesium to be absorbed into your body so your adrenaline levels can decrease while your serotonin increases at the same time.

❄️ Get Physical.

What’s your go-to sport? Do it! We’ve all heard that running gives you an endorphin rush but it’s not the only option. Even dancing around your room will get your blood pumping and release you from the clutches of overthinking.

❄️ Grounding.

We’re raised to live our life in pre-occupation of what we ‘should’ have, who we ‘could’ be, what ‘might’ happen etc. It leads us into disappearing into our heads. In order to get back down to Earth, force yourself to be boring for 10 minutes. (Forcing yourself to be boring is a great life tip in general). Turn your attention to what you can see, feel, or hear. Read some fiction. Paint your nails (I don’t care what your gender is, it looks cool). Overall, distract yourself and remember that no matter the event, this too shall pass. The faulty desire to control external circumstances is the cause of stress and approaches like these can act as a remedy for your over-worked mind.

How To Simplify Your Dating Life. The First Installment – Does He/She Like Me?

This is the first in a series of posts regarding all things relationship-oriented.

Cards on the table, I’m not exactly leading by example. My love life has been a continuous cycle of disappointment subverted as life lessons but maybe these adventures elevate my counsel beyond lucky-in-love Larry. As we grow older, we each yearn for more calm than chaos in our personal lives; self-indulgent sad songs lose their pathos and the security of a loving partner overtakes the appeal of infatuation. I hope to be more useful than the usual block of body language cues but like a bad boy with commitment issues, I promise nothing.

Above all, actions speak louder than words.  Make sure you pay attention to what somebody shows you via their behaviour instead of hanging off their words, which can be easily affected. Judge a prospective love interest’s worth in relation to how they treat you: this person might be smart, funny and devilishly attractive, but if they’re not treating you well, they aren’t worth the chase. Often times, once we decide we like somebody, we’re stubborn about changing our minds. We rationalise poor behaviour when really it should make us take a step back.

Sparks and ‘gut instincts’ can lead you towards wishful thinking but you can’t make somebody change who they are, so don’t waste time trying. You’ve got a life to live.

If you have to look for signs that someone likes you, they aren’t that into you. If they were, you’d know about it. Always remember that.

When people give off mixed signals, they usually have mixed emotions, or they’re playing a machiavellian game where your feelings aren’t a priority, which is even more shady. Either way, you shouldn’t be too invested at this point. Until they’ve made their intentions clear, don’t get hung up on one person. I know it’s hard but keep your feelings in check and your options open unless you have the ‘exclusivity’ thumbs up. (Or down). That way, you won’t be a heap of disappointment if nothing happens between you. Think of it as an insurance policy on your fragile little ticker.

All attention comes from attraction. Sometimes the object of our affection will approach us or message ‘how’re you doing?’ and we wonder if they like us or if it’s just nothing. Well…it’s both. If someone asks you questions, talks about things you like and compliments you frequently, of course they like you! Do you spend time opening up to people you have no interest in? No, and neither do they. Maybe it wasn’t cupid’s arrow but there’s some level of interest going on. Don’t get carried away on a love cloud but don’t downplay it either. If you enjoy an interaction without analysing it too much, you’re guaranteed a better outcome. Otherwise you fall into the trap of putting somebody else above you by focusing too much on what they’re doing.

Assume your appeal has been noticed until you’re shown otherwise. Self-worth is not only desirable but absolutely crucial. What about you? Are you enjoying their company? Do you like what’s being said? If not, change the channel. Only you control your life.

Keep your emotional investment balanced. Brain chemistry fizzles like a mentos in coca-cola when we start talking to a person we like. It can become addictive. But this current crush isn’t the only thing of value in your life. You have relations with friends, family and your work that all need maintaining and it works in your favour if you’re leading a well-balanced life. It makes you more attractive and improves your mental health. Make equal time for each section of your life and I promise your love life will only benefit, as counter-intuitive as that might seem. Always remember that even if someone is interested in you…it only matters as far as their actions do. Just because they like you, it doesn’t mean you’re going to get together. Until it does. And that’s the crucial piece of wisdom to remember…take it all one step at a time.

Happy crushin’.

 

 

 

 

 

 

How To Be A Better Writer: Edition One

Nobody’s perfect; I’m sure even the Dalai Lama himself has a few character flaws left to work on before 2k18 rolls around. Improvement is always possible, no matter how skilled you are in a particular field. If you feel your way with words needs a tweak or two, here are some morsels of wisdom I’ve picked up as the years have ticked by and my pen has evolved into a QWERTY keyboard.

Let it flow. Like a menstrual cycle or a riverbank, your words should ooze out as organically as possible. Have you ever noticed how easy it is to pen something for somebody else? Naturally this is because you’re not invested in the results. Even if you care second-hand, if the words aren’t a reflection of you than the pressure is no way near your shoulders. Relax into your writing. Remove your judgement. Ignore the outcome. I guess I’m advocating ‘mindfulness’ here, which is just a buzzword way of saying ‘be in the moment’. A lifelong battle for all adults but one that pays off, particularly in the realm of wordplay.

Kill your darlings. Egocentricity is a habit of humanity. It seems ludicrous to the self-proclaimed writer that any element of their literary alchemy should be omitted from a paragraph because it might be a mis-match in tone, intent (etc.) but sometimes this is the case. Accepting that is the first step on the road to getting over yourself and producing more coherent texts. You can always save a killer line if it’s truly too poetic to dispose of entirely. That’s the beauty of CTRL+C.

Do it. You can’t be good at it if you never do it. So do it, a lot.

Narcotic abuse ‘Worked for Bukowksi. While I think it’s crass to present an image of yourself as a drinker who writes, rather than a writer that drinks, I will acknowledge the inspiration that uninhibited thinking and serotonin-depleted pondering brings. I’ve had inebriated states that enable me to stop procrastinating and continue wording, along with morning-afters that turn me into Socrates for a few hours on account of my philosophical word-vomit. Choose your poison wisely and don’t over-indulge. I’m not going to let my flippancy take the burden of your poor willpower, reader.

 

 

 

How To Attract Someone Based On Their Zodiac Sign, Part 1: Aries – Libra.

Let’s jump straight into the tips and tricks of what makes each sign tick. Applicable to any gender. As Oscar Wilde once said, “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they’ll kill you.” 

Aries

Aries

The warrior of the zodiac needs a challenge to sink their teeth into so your best bet is to tease them playfully and debate with them. Opinionated and bold, they need someone to spar with intellectually. CAUTION – the fragility of their ego means you need to counteract cheeky jibes with compliments so they know you appreciate how amazing (they believe) they are. In turn, they will shower you with affection right back and always leave you with butterflies. Very physical beings, play-fighting is also a good way to entice them. Excitement, new experiences and a high-value individual are what an Aries wants.

Above all, don’t be boring.

Taurus

Taurus

Preen yourself, smell enticing and mind your manners. Ruled by Venus, a Taurus has an eye for detail when it comes to beauty and therefore appearances matter. Fortunately, you don’t really have your work cut out for you as their favourite activities are sleeping, relaxing and eating. Find out their favourite restaurant and casually mention how much you like it there; they’ll invite you to join them one evening as you clearly have good opinions ( -ones that are identical to theirs). Be sweet to them as they have a solid sense of self and yet remain somewhat mysterious so they have a reason to pursue you. When they do, you won’t get together overnight but together you might just last a lifetime.

Above all, be patient.

Gemini

Gemini

Good luck. Gemini have a reputation for being fickle and flirtatious. If you want them to like you, let them talk to/at you and ensure you snag them within the first few times you meet. If they don’t show any signs of interest straight away, you risk letting them move onto the next one. At any given moment they enjoy pressing people’s buttons so if you can match their wit you’re almost there. Most people fall prey to their charms so keep your distance from time to time. If you’re into the same films/games/books etc you already have a way in so all you need to do now is keep on top of cultural trends and remain well-read.

Above all, be talkative.

Cancer

Cancer

Help an old lady cross the road. Spend time with your grandma and send a snapchat to your Cancer crush with the caption ‘FaMiLy ❤‘. Bring them home-baked apple pie. Despite trying to appear tough (cue the laughter track), Cancerians are sentimental creatures who want to cuddle up with a blanket and stroke your face until you feel safe in their arms. The natural look will win them over and so will plenty of reassurance. They wish they were less emotional so if you convey strength and sass, you’ll have them intrigued. Just make sure you give them 90% of the attention they constantly crave because these pessimists aren’t too secure in their self-worth.

Above all, be responsive.

Leo

Leo

Make them the center of your universe. Talk about their favourite subject (them) with a sense of awe and wonder. How do they get their hair so shiny? Where do they buy their DKNY shirts? Why can’t everybody be like them? Once you have a mutual understanding of their brilliance, you’re off to a solid start. Next you need to laugh at their jokes because they are truly the life of the party; if you’re a stay-at-home type you might not be for them. Be desirable by making an effort with your appearance and laying on the charm as a Leo just wants to entertain and be entertained. When they get short-tempered with you, bite back. They’ll respect you for standing up to their royal highness. They can be cliquey too so if you’re a cool kid they’ll come a’knocking to hang out with you.

Above all, openly adore them.

Virgo

vvirgo

Read a book. Then another, and then another. Once you’ve completed this process, regurgitate this information to your Virgo interest before pondering aloud “Lo, I find the assertion that cognitive dissonance unravels during adolescence to be preposterous and quite unlike most 20th century psycho-analytical studies.” There you have it, the deal is sealed. Intellectual Virgo needs to know you’ll understand the analysis they love to undertake on matters big and small as their mind is constantly judging everything. Predictably, they are picky. Flattery won’t work on them because they have an ideal lover in mind and you must live up to these expectations. Do some digging to discover the type of people they admire and then emulate the stereotype. Virgos are suckers for fixing things so tell them your boiler is broken and they’ll come around to fix it. Explain to them the pragmatic merits of a date with you so they know you won’t interfere with their busy schedule.

Above all, be smart.

Libra

Libra

Libra is the relational sign so you’ll need to compete for their attention. They spend their whole lives learning how to be well-liked because they crave external validation and this brings me onto my first tip: tell them they’re pretty. Their smile is their best feature because it can charm anyone, following on from the words that come out of it. Share ideas and exchange friendly banter when you’re in their company. It’s likely they have a creative streak so take an interest in the arts and see where you match up because a Libra is a pop culture fiend. Since they’re also naturally good-looking, it would help if you made the best of yourself for their viewing pleasure. They’re popular people who are never short of a date so you’ll need to incorporate a ‘hot and cold’ approach to pique their interest in the long term. Let them choose you…eventually.

Above all, let them know you appreciate them.

Up next is Part 2: Scorpio-Pisces. 

5 Steps To Selfie – How to Pose for a Photo

Some people love to point their phone’s camera right at their face for some radical selfie loving while others dread the lens in self-conscious trepidation. No matter which side of the spectrum you fall upon, the impromptu photo is an unavoidable way of life and it pays to be prepared!

Love or loathe to pose, you have the chance to turn a chore into an art form – measure your selfie know-how against this short checklist so you can put your best face forward at any given moment.

  1. Face down, eyes up; instantly more flattering than a straight-on shot.

  2. Smile with your eyes; Tyra made ‘smize’ happen for a reason. 

  3. Decide what you’re doing with your mouth; pout, pursed smile or toothy smile.

  4. Tilt your head from left to right to see if you have a ‘side’; Most people have a preference.

  5. Three popular go-to poses; peace sign, hand on hips, tongue out.

Memorise a particularly hard-hitting one of these vanity morsels so you’re armed with ammo the next time someone slings a camera in your face without much warning, or for when you find yourself in the midst of a self-portraiture crisis but still want to look bangin’.

Selfie ready? You woke up like this (*WINK*)

Life Lessons: Things I’ll Never Do To Myself Again

Tonight I’ve been browsing through my ‘Documents’ folder in the hope of mercilessly casting aside useless files from days gone by; it’s a cleansing ritual I do every 4 months to keep my folder neat and my kilobyte figures low.

Deep in the archives, I found a list I’d made whilst in the recovery period from a particularly tough time in my life. Between summer and Christmas of the previous year, I became increasingly depressed and anxious, with copious work demands and faltering personal relationships crushing my spirit. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a habitual creator of new year’s resolutions and this time it was especially important to ensure I had learned from my mistakes.


Things I’ll Never Do To Myself Again

Lie to myself and deny what I’m feeling
– Think I’m right about everything/everyone
– Disregard my intuition
– Make myself appear smaller or sell myself short
– Overthink – my subconscious will always figure it out
– You can’t intellectualise how you feel so just let feelings happen and rationalise them afterwards 
– Take anybody for granted
– Become emotionally dependent on others
– Offload emotional baggage onto people
– Romanticise a person 
– Try to ‘fix’ anyone
– Think I’m not in control and therefore let others dictate how I feel.


Sometimes we lose ourselves in the process of caring about other people. No matter how rough things get, always take the time to care for yourself.

If you need a starting point, I wrote an ‘everyday self-love’ list here that might help you: A Short Guide to Self-Love.